I WAS sixteen, and I had the most terrible dreams,
And specks before my eyes, and nervous weakness.
And I couldn’t remember the books I read,
Like Frank Drummer who memorized page after page.
And my back was weak, and I worried and worried,
And I was embarrassed and stammered my lessons,
And when I stood up to recite I’d forget
Everything that I had studied.
Well, I saw Dr. Weese’s advertisement,
And there I read everything in print,
Just as if he had known me;
And about the dreams which I couldn’t help.
So I knew I was marked for an early grave.
And I worried until I had a cough,
And then the dreams stopped.
And then I slept the sleep without dreams
Here on the hill by the river.
Where are those old friends with whom in years gone by I felt so closely united? Now it seems as if we belonged to different worlds, and no longer spoke the same language! Like a stranger and an outcast, I move among them—not one of their words or looks reaches me any longer. I am dumb for no one understands my speech—ah, but they never did understand me! It is terrible to be condemned to silence when one has so much to say.
Was I made for solitude or for a life in which there was no one to whom I could speak? The inability to communicate one’s thoughts is in very truth the most terrible of all kinds of loneliness. Difference is a mask which is more ironbound than any iron mask.
me as a prom dj
"time to slow things down a little blt"
*plays crank dat souja boy (acoustic version)*
yeah, liz phair spit on all the whiny alt-rock boys with that album. so nonchalant + cold, an unapologetic diary flung at the world. love it.
go into a starbucks in NYC and say very loudly into your phone “this movie script is stale and trite! we need some new talent, someone with a fresh outlook” and wait
lots of interesting things read these past few days:
- Sister Outsider, essays and speeches by Audre Lorde
- In Dreams Begin Responsibilities, a short story by Delmore Schwartz
- Marion, a short story by Emma Cline
- Ms. America, a collection of essays by various New Inquiry writers
- Liliana, a short story by Maile Meloy
- Ecce Homo, a book by Friedrich Nietzsche
- Labyrinths, a collection of short stories and essays by Jorge Luis Borges
- Nox, a poetry collection by Anne Carson
- The Awful Rowing Towards God, a poetry collection by Anne Sexton
- Jackleg Opera, a poetry collection by BJ Ward
- The Book of Sand, a collection of short stories by Jorge Luis Borges
- Notes From Underground, a novella by Dostoyevsky
- By Night in Chile, a novella by Roberto Bolaño
- Black Water, a novella by Joyce Carol Oates